I just got a call from Sean’s home care people. We are supposed to be re-evaluated every year by the state to see if he is still eligible. I was worrying about this too because I hadn’t heard anything.
There’s this story about a woman who cries for her children by a river in Arizona. I’m sure there are variations of all this every where but they say that at night she does this and that she paces by the river. For several weeks, I’ve been up with insomnia and I walk my house in the dark. I’m reminded of that story just because I’m walking around my house in the dark and worrying about all these things. I don’t want to wake Sean up or have him worry. So I just go from room to room in the dark for hours thinking about all the stuff that needs to be done. All the stuff that’s hanging. Then at some point,I end up scaring the hell out of myself because I’ll go back to other stories I’ve heard to try and clear my mind. I know the stories are fake but at some point between worry and exhaustion my mind starts playing tricks with me. What a dork huh?
I’m tired of being tired….and cold. I’m anemic. I think it’s been really bad lately. I made the decision three days ago to start taking my iron again. I take it in the morning before I talk myself out of it. I saw my eyes in the mirror the other day. The circles used to be pretty dark. They are now officially black. Literally. I looked like I had two black eyes or that I was recovering from them. I asked Sean if they were always this dark. He said he thought so, but I know they weren’t. I’ve also been drinking at least 32 ozs a day. Mainly, gatorade because it’s easy to keep track of. Plus it’s supposed to have crap in it, you know? hehe In fact, the past couple of days, I’ve eaten a couple of oranges and grapes and I’ve made salads for dinner. My body must need something badly. It’s trying to compensate or something.
Oh yeah, I felt sooo bad for Sean. Well…not really but sorta… he’s irish. So today would be a corned beef thingy, the cabbage stuff and the bread and all that…but because of Lent, no meat. He was crushed. I think we are going to make it Sunday though.
Oh and the mom thing. The reason I made such a big deal about it is because he can act like he’s perfect and well you know how men are. It was a slip up and I caught it and I had to rub it in. I’m constantly saying and doing stupid things. He calls me out every freaking time constantly. I sensed that to him this was a big slip up that embarrassed him so it was MY turn to get him back. It could have been any topic as long as it was a slip up…lol
